Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Guest Post from the Bearded Devil: Manchester United vs. Stoke City, January 31 2012


Today I had to be at work so you get the special treat of a guest post by my Die-Hard Bearded Goal Keeper who has requested that he be called the "Bearded Devil." I sort of like him, so I have allowed it. So here goes!

Reactions to the Stoke Match

-It was an assured if uninspired display from our side. To be perfectly honest, while we played well and strung some good stuff together, it seemed much more the case that Stoke just rolled over. I have to say, the one thing that one can expect from Tony Pulis’ sides is a battling mentality coupled with a tremendously high work rate and Spartan tactical style. None of these qualities, which typically make Stoke such a bogey team for the bigger clubs, were on display today.

-Scholes proved again that while he has lost whatever pace he once possessed (and let’s be honest, that was never much), he remains one of the world’s pre-eminent passing midfielders. There is the worry, however, now that he is 37, he is even more susceptible to lunging in with tackles to prevent speedier and more nimble players skipping past him and getting himself sent off.

-The back-line looked much more sure of itself with Rio back in the lineup. While he may not be the indomitable defender he was 3-4 years ago, his positional sense remains excellent and his ability to take command of the rearguard and instill calm and confidence in those around him was a quality very much absent in the erratic defensive display against Liverpool. With Vidic out for the rest of the season and the likes of Jones, Smalling and Evans still prone to youthful inconsistency, Rio will be vital in the title run-in. Hopefully he is able to stay fit.

-Antonio Valencia continues in his rich vein of form. He has been, by far, United’s best and most consistent player over the past month, and turned in another good shift today. His pace down the right side created real problems for Stoke today and was key to unlocking a packed Potters defense.

-Ben Amos did well in goal today, although had precious little to do. Stoke rarely threatened, but when they did, Amos was assured in his handling and decision-making. It is too bad that Neckbeard D’Espagna was out sick as this type of game would have helped him regain some confidence.

-Paul Pogba got a run in the side today and was unlucky not to score. He is a fantastic looking player.

-BLEH scored! I was sad to see that he did not celebrate by donning a cape and taking a chomp out of Sir Alex or something, but I suppose it is possible that he hasn’t got around to reading this blog yet… He’s probably a busy guy, but we will be expecting it in the next game!

-Finally, I am sorry to say, but I am significantly less awkward than my small and gingery counterpart. I will leave it to her to wax poetic about how sexy Ryan Giggs is (although, let’s be honest, pretty damn sexy., right?) and I will instead focus more on the football. Hope that’s ok!

As the Reds go marching on!



UPDATE:

Everton defeated Man City 1-0 to send United and City level on points at the top of the table. Former United midfielder Darron Gibson scored the games only goal! Even at Everton he’s still a Devil!

Monday, January 30, 2012

Dimitar Berbatov: BLEEEHH!

Today I am posting the first in a series called Player Profiles.  In this series I will discuss my affection for particular players (although if you are a Man Utd player...don't worry I don't have ANY favorites, I love you all equally) (for everyone else....I'm lying I totally have favorites) and the reasoning behind many of their nicknames.

I am starting with Dimitar Berbatov or as I like to call him BLEEHH!

So lets start by saying that I am Dimitar Berbatov's NUMBER ONE FAN.

I know what you are thinking..."But Gingers for Scholes he isn't the most dynamic player on the field, he doesn't seem to have the greatest attitude, he seems mopey to me, why don't you cheer for someone more exciting and bubbly like Chicharito?"

OK

1.) He is the first non-Englishman to score 5 goals in one game in the Premier League...that's bad ass

2.) He was the top scorer in the Premier League last season...I mean SERIOUSLY that is SO BAD ASS

3.) Maybe the reason he seems mopey and not very excited is because HE NEEDS A NUMBER ONE FAN.  I am simply providing him with the necessary tools to be a happier player.

4.) He kind of looks like Dracula...
Bleehh!!!  I vooonnn to suuuuck youur blloooooddd!!!

Bleeehhh!!! 
Now I have to say these days with the new hair cut, the scruff and the lack of a head band (dear God thank you for helping Bleh realize that that was a bad look) he's looking much more clean cut, less vampiric but still the idea is there.  I can hear you again, "Ginger (It's ok we know each other well enough now to call me by my first name) but why would you think that its a good thing that he looks like Dracula?"  Well everyone, because he is UPPING HIS PROFILE.  And anyone who has seen this:
will know that upping your profile is a HUGE DEAL.  

I want to see him (well we have to get him off the bench first! Fergie, I hope you are reading this part!) with a cape every time he scores so he can do a victory lap with the cape over his eyes and then in the stadium they will play..

as the in stadium announcer will say "VON, VONNN GOAL - AH, HA, HA," a la the Count.  I can see it now, all the players in the stands with their Man Utd jerseys on with their fake vampire teeth and their capes shouting BLLEEEHHH as he runs onto the pitch before the match.

I'm just saying.....its all gold....Berbatov....call me we can make this happen!

That's all for today, tomorrow the boys play Stoke City at 3:00PM.  I have to be at work so if he is available and willing you may get a guest Game Day post from my Die-Hard Man Utd Beard-y Goalkeeper! And if you are watching and Berbatov hits the field, make sure to cheer for Bleh!










Saturday, January 28, 2012

Game Day Post: Man Utd. vs. Liverpool

Good morning everyone!  Sorry that was too loud for 7:30AM on a Saturday lets try that again in a more subdued fashion....Good morning everyone.  Today Manchester United takes on Liverpool.  I can't even describe to you the distain I have for liverpool.  So far the boys have only just arrived and they look damn smart in their suits and sweater vests.

Neck beard D'Espagna is back!  I have missed him and his sweet sweet Neck beard so much.

3:42 YESSS and Neck beard has his first save of the day.
4:15 Awww how cute they all think they are tough!  Lets not ruffle feathers so early!  Alllll right now time for the color to stop ragging on Neck beard, he tries his best
5:19 My first Fergie chaw shot of the day.  Oh Fergie you are my hero....
7:16 Valencia and Giggs with a solid chance......so jacked, so sexy
8:15 Stephen Gerrard is out in force with his awkward hairline
11:36 YES second Fergie chaw shot, this time with some grumbling
16:55 OMG SO CLOSE GOD DAMMIT VALENCIA YOU ARE SO JACKED
19:20 Paulie, don't foul him...don't foul him...don't foul him....
21:00.....DAMMIT....GOOOOOOODDDD DAMMIT
23:40 If that ball hadn't been tipped I think that could have been lovely
38:40 YES PARRRRKKKKKKKKK That was beautiful
41:07 You are wearing BLUE today boys BLUE.  Lets not forget that...no passing to Liverpool

TIME FOR MY HALF TIME PIE

And now is the time I just realized the bald avenger has been on the field this WHOLLLLEEE TIME

64:58 SERIOUSLY that close to the box.....you should be ashamed
66:03 Neck beard redeems himself from that earlier mess up
Wow

Just

Wow

I can't even deal with how mad I am at Patrice Evra right now.......

Also...hey Dave....Andy Carroll sucks

*sigh*

What an end...*sigh*

The end was just so sloppy, we couldn't find any solid chances and I'm very disappointed.  I hope Fergie hair dries them good.



Time to go mope my way through my Saturday.



Sunday, January 22, 2012

Man Utd vs. Arsenal 1/22/12

So here is my first live game post.  I have already ruined the first half commentary because I was typing up my welcome post but the Bearded Keeper and I will try and fill in as much as we can while trying to ignore the idiocy of Piers Morgan blathering on during the half time show.  So a couple of things:

  1. Seriously...PIERS MORGAN?  What is this Fox?  An ARSENAL fan?  Where's my Utd fan on the panel and who cares what that wanker thinks about anything anyways?!!!  And if I hear ONE MORE THING about Arsenal playing four center backs or the importance of stopping Pugs McPlugsy, I swear to god....
  2. I can't get over the NFL music that fox is using....I keep getting confused as to what sport I am watching
  3. God love Rio for starting the #tearsforpiers.  
  4. Phil "Just The Tip" Jones went down with an early injury....what the hell.  Last thing we need.    I won't even go into how you should stretch properly before the match...its too easy.  Halftime reports say it is a twisted ankle.
  5. Thumping finish by Valencia....damn that dude is jacked
  6. Arsene Wenger is looking very dapper and "French" today.  Although I expect to see the familiar look of despair soon....oh there it is.... at 51 minutes and 17 seconds......head in the hands
  7. Dammit can we get some real possession in the start of the second half?  I'm not a fan of giving Arsenal so many chances...even if they can't hit the mark
  8. 56 minutes in.....lose your map of the pitch much?  Loved the camera panning over to Fergie just to catch him removing his glasses and muttering "Fuckin'ell." Also....caught a glimpse of the gum.....he's chewing white gum today.....I always pictured him to be a spearmint man....
  9. 60 min camera pan to the bench...SCHOLSIE AND I ARE SITTING WATCHING THE GAME IN THE EXACT SAME WAY.  Holy shite I knew we were meant to be best ginger friends/drinking buddies.
  10. F-me 62:30 where's the FINISH.  I know he was offsides but still.
  11. 63:03 -Heart attack, arms waving and despairing moaning.
  12. 66:16 - Yikes Wellbeck....through but no finish....
  13. I'd just like to take a moment out of our regularly scheduled broadcast to thank Ryan Giggs for being so sexy.  That beard is really fantastic.  So rugged, so manly.
  14. 70:01.......GOD DAMMIT SERIOUSLY BOYS WHAT IS THIS what are we DOING out there today.  Its ARSENAL.  We're getting chance after chance but no finish and then we give them that?!
  15. Jesus....and now we lose Nani.....but we gain Scholsie......lets go Ginger Warrior
  16. 78:52 Theo Wolcott attempting to stagger off the field straight up grabs a hold of the trainer's junk.  What an obliging fellow.  
  17. 80:52 YES THAT WAS BRILLIANT.  VALENCIA = MAN OF THE MATCH.  He's just so jacked!  Also Andrey....go back to Russia and eat yourself some Borscht.
  18. 83:28...Our Park is better....you know what I'm talking about.
  19. Dang 91:10 Pugs McPlugsy just won a header over 6'6 Mertesacker....the power of the plugs is with you.
  20. 94:57 WHAT WAS THAT?!  TRIPPING OVER YOUR OWN FEET?!?!?! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU TODAY MR. WELLBECK...WALK MUCH?!?!?
  21. FULL TIME: Glory Glory Man Utd....should have been at least 3-1 but at least we finished all right.
Zut Alors I 'ave lost again!

And finally....I can't leave today without talking about the travesty that was the Tottenham vs. Man City game......really.....a penalty AT 94 min?!......REALLY  *sigh*  I know it was deserved but come on now Bald Avenger everyone says you are secretly a Man Utd fan and then you go and do that?  Not cool.  

Cheers everyone!


Its about time!

So I have been thinking about creating this blog for a LONG time.  I have been cheering on the Red Devils for several years now largely due to my Die-Hard Man Utd Beard-y Goalkeeper but with my own personal brand of awkwardness.  And my awkwardness is so profound we felt that I should share it with others.  So here begins The Awkward Manchester United Fan blog where I will discuss everything from my fondness for Sir Alex's gum chewing, to the troubled start of Neck-Beard D'Espagna, my undying love for BLEH (cue sinister Dracula-esque organ music), my tough love for Pugs McPlugsy, and the surprising yet pleasant emergence of Phil "Just The Tip" Jones.  You will also see here cameos by the bad ass and seriously jacked referee/cop Howard Webb aka "The Bald Avenger" (comic strip to follow), Mancini and his penchant for wearing goofy scarves, and in all likelihood "Hot Coach"AVB...because seriously everyone....how hot is he.  

I am by no means an orthodox fan, in fact I will probably be writing most of this while inebriated, and you may not agree with me on everything....or anything for that matter.  But everything here comes out of a deep, fierce love for each and every one of them.  Welcome!