Game Day: Man Utd. vs. West Brom

Hi everyone, its been a while since our last post. We have been rethinking the way the blog will be laid out. It makes little sense to do a play by play since I have no option to enter it as a live stream during the game. So we are thinking that we will stick to my awkward profiles and our half time pie round up and our full game round up? So bly!

Half Time Pie Round-up

Today's match has been so far fairly uneventful if you don't don't count Phil "Just the Tip" Jones spilling over the barriers on the sidelines after attempting to get a header on goal. He took a couple seconds to get up and looked fairly embarrassed upon emerging. Its ok Phil we've all been there. Me particularly, I can't tell you the number of times I've run headlong into door frames, desk corners, weight benches....for 10 years of ballet I'm a serious mess so I feel you.

There was also some adorable footwork by my man Ashley Young. He had several good little runs to try and get open to get a shot off in West Brom-land and and when the defender finally got tired of it and beaned the ball into the crowd he fell backwards on top of Young. It hasn't been a great day for balance for sure.

There was a gorgeous goal pushed through by Chicharito and Pugs, absolutely stellar and well worth watching the highlight. And speaking of gorgeous I just have to lament the firing of Hot Coach last week. I knew it was coming but it still hurts. What will I stare at now every weekend when Chelsea is on the field? Certainly not at the actual game, I mean who wants to watch Chelsea? Hot coach made Chelsea games bearable, even enjoyable. And now....darkness and gloom in the eye candy department. In his favor though he has an INCREDIBLY attractive wife to go home to.

I mean, this has got to count as a win.

Full Time Round Up

So it has come to my attention that Pugs McPlugsy's Plugs are starting to look good! The Bearded Devil and I were admiring his less...wonky look and realized it looks like they are GROWING. And then we wondered if hair plugs could grow which led to a google search which led to this article (http://www.infobarrel.com/Do_Hair_Implants_Grow_After_Surgery) which gave us the answer that YES, yes they do. So I'd like to officially apologize to Mr. Pugs for doubting his judgement in the hair care department.

Its practically blowing in the wind!!

The second half had some great chances, that try by Chicharito that went off the goal post was heart stopping, we thought it would go in for sure. But once they sent off Olsson for what I frankly thought was a silly tackle, come on it wasn't that bad and they are already probably going to lose so just give him a harsh talking to, tell him he's on thin ice and to shape up and move on, the game was pretty one sided. I was hoping they would rack up the score to even up the goal differential with Man City but c'est la vie as Arsene Wenger says every single time he wonders why he's not as bad ass as Fergie. 

One other thing, this week Neckbeard D'Espagna announced that he would not be shaving until Man Utd wins the Premier League...and I'm just imagining how intense the neck beard will get, will he let it grow over his chin like a regular beard? Will it still just grow under his neck like a scratchy neck warmer? Is he like Sampson and all of his sweet keeper power is derived from his neck beard? These are all legitimate questions. Also I still cannot get over the quote about how the neck beard brings pleasure to both him and his girlfriend. I need to meet this woman. Also is her name Delilah? Cause if it is...WATCH OUT NECKBEARD, SHE WANTS TO CUT IT OFF AND RENDER YOU POWERLESS

Anyway, Man Utd. won 2-0 and joy of joys Man City lost to Swansea BAHAHAHA, losers....stupid Mancini and his silly scarves.

Soooo sad

Enjoy your Sunday everyone! Stay tuned for my Fergie profile this week!

Love always,

Gingers

Man Utd vs. Chelsea 2/5/2012

Well hello everybody and welcome to our Superbowl Sunday Game Day post!  So far we are just yelling at the pre game show.  I still don't understand why the hell Piers Morgan is allowed on the air period let alone allowed on fox soccer to discuss the premier league.  He ACTUALLY just made the assertion that our very own Neckbeard D'Espagna is the worst goal keeper in the league....based on what exactly.....he has had a few bad matches...as has every single goal keeper in the history in the sport but the WORST?!  And this coming from someone who can barely host a coherent interview on CNN.  The only reason he's there is because of his accent and that's just absurd and offensive to real football fans worldwide.

Wow...they just panned to Pugs McPlugsy...and he has a faux hawk?  To reference my previously posted video from Smithy.....SHORT BACK AND SIDES.  The Bearded Devil thinks that he is keeping to that because technically...the back and sides ARE short.  But come on Fergie those boy need to look clean and sharp.  We don't want any Torres' wandering around the field, headbands flying willy nilly.

And that brings me to HOT COACH.  Now I hate Chelsea.  I hate Chelsea SO MUCH.  But.....their coach is....well he's super hot.  I mean have you seen the man?

He's so put together, so chic.


And HOWARD WEBB IS ON THE FIELD.  The BALD AVENGER IS IN THE HOUSE and is making my whole day that much better and that much more shiny, and that more jacked.

6:45 Ummmm wow, that defensive move was pretty sketch.  When you are all in front of the goal keeping it in the air with headers Neckbeard should have grabbed that, it was a poor punch and I was a little afraid that we would give up a goal early

8:42 WOW Raul Meireles' hair is appalling I withdraw any complaint about Pugs McPlugsy

10:30 That tackle....Gary Cahill should have been sent off.  What the hell Bald Avenger, that was dicey and I'm a little....well frankly I'm a little upset I know its early in the match and he may not want to send someone off so early but he should have at least been given a yellow....and the camera on Fergie shows he is SUPREMELY pissed.  Oh Fergie, chaw away, chaw away your anger.

13:42 If I see one more Chelsea player go down grasping their various extremities and howling in pain I swear to god I'm sending lions on the field gladiator style to maul them.  I really TRULY hate when players do that, even when Man Utd players, its cheating, you slow down the game, and you lose your integrity as a player a little more every time you do it.

15:56 Damn, Valencia is FAST, that was impressive that he was able to get over to the middle to get his foot on the ball so fast.

22:31 Rafael looks SO HANDSOME with his hair cut.  I heartily approve.

30:30 Oh man poor Evans, just got a knee up the butt, he was only trying to protect his keeper, what a thing to get.  Not the most dignified shot though, him holding his rear end while writhing on the ground.

33:00 OH OFF THE FACE,  Evra just got a ball rocketed square in the jaw, that's got to sting a TON.  And while I feel awful for him, it DID give us a chance to get a close up of the Bald Avenger's GIGANTIC calves as he went over to see if he was ok.

Wow.....THAT'S HOW WE GIVE AWAY OUR FIRST GOAL.  That was embarrassing, deflected off of Evans arm.  I just.....god dammit.  Evra should never have let him get to the line in the first place.

36:40 Great save by Neckbeard, this is getting dicey though, I'm not a fan and I'm not pleased with our overall performance so far

38:09 God DAMMIT that was a beautiful cross over, Rooney could have just TAPPED THAT IN.  WE HAVE TO MAKE THE MOST OF THESE CHANCES

40:00 Welbeck has a GREAT shot, and Cech had a fabulous save.  Can't begrudge the guy who had a skull fracture.

Half Time: Time for a short commercial break and then its onto the Half Time Pie Round Up!  Hosted by The Bearded Devil:

Not a terrible half of football from United, however they have been somewhat wasteful in possession, particularly in the final third of the field. Carved out a few good chances and have been unlucky not to pull even before the break.


Speaking of luck, Gary Cahill can thank his lucky stars to still be on the pitch. Howard Webb missed one there, but in his defense, from his angle, it was a tough call. And no referee wants to send a player off 10 minutes into a game, particularly a game of this magnitude. Be that as it may, Cahill should have been sent to an early bath.


After a shaky initial start, De Gea has looked much more calm in goal, and cannot be faulted for the goal. Johnny Evans was unlucky as well. Evra should have done a better job cutting Sturridge off from reaching the touchline, especially as he had Carrick offering him immediate support. Other than that one half chance, which resulted in a bizarre own goal, Chelsea has offered very little going forward.


I'm sure Fergie is giving the lads one of his famous half-time talks and United will kick on after the break.


And thank the good lord, there is a Law and Order marathon on...so we don't have listen to Piers wax idiotic about the game.  


And we're back!

And....I'm already angry.  I am TRULY TRULY ANGRY

This is NOT THE WAY TO START THE SECOND HALF MOTHER OF GOD

I didn't want to have a stroke this early in the day, I truly didn't but it may happen.

Wow....I never thought I'd say this....but I might turn this off soon I am furious.  Absolutely furious...what are we doing, ANOTHER OWN GOAL this is an embarrassment.

PENALTYYYY Oh Wayne Rooney I forgive you all your indiscretions, hair and otherwise.  That was beautiful.  Now can we PLEASE DO SOMETHING HERE?!

I'm pleading here......THIS is me right now, do you WANT THIS TO BE ME?  Don't you love me boys?

And the Ginger Warrior comes storming on the Field, lets liven up the middle Mr. Scholes!

65:25 That shot never should have happened, I'm serious where did that space open up, thank god De Gea actually got his hands around that one

65:55 That shot could have been lovely....just a bit off, nice try Pugs but lets get it on goal next time we don't have time to waste right now

66:53 F ME a little lift on that and it would have been over him......*sigh* more chances please!

68:11 It was a soft penalty but from Webb's angle which they showed in the replay it didn't look like he tripped, it looked like he stuck his leg back to get him....from any other angle it wouldn't have been called but I won't complain...not after the Cahill debacle earlier

OH MY GOD CHICHATRITO.......YOU ARE SUCH A GOD DAMN STUD

OK 4 MINUTES....PLEASE PLEASE DON'T SCREW THIS UP

OMG NECKBEARD D'ESPAGNA YOU ARE A STUD, PIERS MORGAN THIS OFFICIALLY STARTS OUR BLOOD FEUD YOU CAN SUCK IT THAT WAS A STUNNING SAVE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE FOUND HIS POTATAS BRAVAS

And again, Neckbeard, gorgeous.....wow what a match I will take a draw after that horrible, horrible start......

Neckbeard and Pugs, the two men of the match for sure.  Lovely everyone just lovely....

Well, I have had my share of strokes for the day, thank goodness I don't care who wins the Superbowl tonight ;-)  Enjoy your pizza, nachos and beer everyone!  Till next time!

Guest Post from the Bearded Devil: Manchester United vs. Stoke City, January 31 2012

Today I had to be at work so you get the special treat of a guest post by my Die-Hard Bearded Goal Keeper who has requested that he be called the "Bearded Devil." I sort of like him, so I have allowed it. So here goes!

Reactions to the Stoke Match

-It was an assured if uninspired display from our side. To be perfectly honest, while we played well and strung some good stuff together, it seemed much more the case that Stoke just rolled over. I have to say, the one thing that one can expect from Tony Pulis’ sides is a battling mentality coupled with a tremendously high work rate and Spartan tactical style. None of these qualities, which typically make Stoke such a bogey team for the bigger clubs, were on display today.

-Scholes proved again that while he has lost whatever pace he once possessed (and let’s be honest, that was never much), he remains one of the world’s pre-eminent passing midfielders. There is the worry, however, now that he is 37, he is even more susceptible to lunging in with tackles to prevent speedier and more nimble players skipping past him and getting himself sent off.

-The back-line looked much more sure of itself with Rio back in the lineup. While he may not be the indomitable defender he was 3-4 years ago, his positional sense remains excellent and his ability to take command of the rearguard and instill calm and confidence in those around him was a quality very much absent in the erratic defensive display against Liverpool. With Vidic out for the rest of the season and the likes of Jones, Smalling and Evans still prone to youthful inconsistency, Rio will be vital in the title run-in. Hopefully he is able to stay fit.

-Antonio Valencia continues in his rich vein of form. He has been, by far, United’s best and most consistent player over the past month, and turned in another good shift today. His pace down the right side created real problems for Stoke today and was key to unlocking a packed Potters defense.

-Ben Amos did well in goal today, although had precious little to do. Stoke rarely threatened, but when they did, Amos was assured in his handling and decision-making. It is too bad that Neckbeard D’Espagna was out sick as this type of game would have helped him regain some confidence.

-Paul Pogba got a run in the side today and was unlucky not to score. He is a fantastic looking player.

-BLEH scored! I was sad to see that he did not celebrate by donning a cape and taking a chomp out of Sir Alex or something, but I suppose it is possible that he hasn’t got around to reading this blog yet… He’s probably a busy guy, but we will be expecting it in the next game!

-Finally, I am sorry to say, but I am significantly less awkward than my small and gingery counterpart. I will leave it to her to wax poetic about how sexy Ryan Giggs is (although, let’s be honest, pretty damn sexy., right?) and I will instead focus more on the football. Hope that’s ok!

As the Reds go marching on!

UPDATE:

Everton defeated Man City 1-0 to send United and City level on points at the top of the table. Former United midfielder Darron Gibson scored the games only goal! Even at Everton he’s still a Devil!

Man Utd vs. Arsenal 1/22/12

So here is my first live game post.  I have already ruined the first half commentary because I was typing up my welcome post but the Bearded Keeper and I will try and fill in as much as we can while trying to ignore the idiocy of Piers Morgan blathering on during the half time show.  So a couple of things:

1. Seriously...PIERS MORGAN?  What is this Fox?  An ARSENAL fan?  Where's my Utd fan on the panel and who cares what that wanker thinks about anything anyways?!!!  And if I hear ONE MORE THING about Arsenal playing four center backs or the importance of stopping Pugs McPlugsy, I swear to god....
2. I can't get over the NFL music that fox is using....I keep getting confused as to what sport I am watching
3. God love Rio for starting the #tearsforpiers.  
4. Phil "Just The Tip" Jones went down with an early injury....what the hell.  Last thing we need.    I won't even go into how you should stretch properly before the match...its too easy.  Halftime reports say it is a twisted ankle.
5. Thumping finish by Valencia....damn that dude is jacked
6. Arsene Wenger is looking very dapper and "French" today.  Although I expect to see the familiar look of despair soon....oh there it is.... at 51 minutes and 17 seconds......head in the hands
7. Dammit can we get some real possession in the start of the second half?  I'm not a fan of giving Arsenal so many chances...even if they can't hit the mark
8. 56 minutes in.....lose your map of the pitch much?  Loved the camera panning over to Fergie just to catch him removing his glasses and muttering "Fuckin'ell." Also....caught a glimpse of the gum.....he's chewing white gum today.....I always pictured him to be a spearmint man....
9. 60 min camera pan to the bench...SCHOLSIE AND I ARE SITTING WATCHING THE GAME IN THE EXACT SAME WAY.  Holy shite I knew we were meant to be best ginger friends/drinking buddies.
10. F-me 62:30 where's the FINISH.  I know he was offsides but still.
11. 63:03 -Heart attack, arms waving and despairing moaning.
12. 66:16 - Yikes Wellbeck....through but no finish....
13. I'd just like to take a moment out of our regularly scheduled broadcast to thank Ryan Giggs for being so sexy.  That beard is really fantastic.  So rugged, so manly.
14. 70:01.......GOD DAMMIT SERIOUSLY BOYS WHAT IS THIS what are we DOING out there today.  Its ARSENAL.  We're getting chance after chance but no finish and then we give them that?!
15. Jesus....and now we lose Nani.....but we gain Scholsie......lets go Ginger Warrior
16. 78:52 Theo Wolcott attempting to stagger off the field straight up grabs a hold of the trainer's junk.  What an obliging fellow.  
17. 80:52 YES THAT WAS BRILLIANT.  VALENCIA = MAN OF THE MATCH.  He's just so jacked!  Also Andrey....go back to Russia and eat yourself some Borscht.
18. 83:28...Our Park is better....you know what I'm talking about.
19. Dang 91:10 Pugs McPlugsy just won a header over 6'6 Mertesacker....the power of the plugs is with you.
20. 94:57 WHAT WAS THAT?!  TRIPPING OVER YOUR OWN FEET?!?!?! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU TODAY MR. WELLBECK...WALK MUCH?!?!?
21. FULL TIME: Glory Glory Man Utd....should have been at least 3-1 but at least we finished all right.

Zut Alors I 'ave lost again!

And finally....I can't leave today without talking about the travesty that was the Tottenham vs. Man City game......really.....a penalty AT 94 min?!......REALLY  *sigh*  I know it was deserved but come on now Bald Avenger everyone says you are secretly a Man Utd fan and then you go and do that?  Not cool.  

Cheers everyone!